21
by Brooklyn Careana
Summary: ONE-SHOT! songfic! He's her obsession. He's her drug. He's her killer.


DISCLAIMER: I own nothing

**Bold = number of scars**

_Italics = lyrics/thoughts_

FYI I SKIPPED SOME REPEATED LYRICS!

_You don't know my name_

_You don't know anything about me_

_I tried to play nice_

_I wanna be in your game_

He had no idea who she was. Oh, but she definitely knew who he was. Everyone did. The Slytherin King. She'd see him pass through the halls, laughing and talking with his friends, and wish that she could be with them.

…**6…**

She had no one. Not even her brothers. They tried their best, they really did; but they didn't understand her, no one did. They would say they were there for her, but it was more of a ghostly presence. She didn't feel safe with them, and knew that if they were not siblings, they would not associate with her. Whenever she needed them most, they were never there. She cried and stayed out of every ones way. The only way people knew her, was as James' and Albus' little sister. She would forever be in their shadow. They were great, perfect, brave; and she was a wallflower. The teachers would expect her to be as great as them, only to be disappointed when she showed them how mediocre she really was. Gryffindor Princes and the Slytherin King, forever unnoticed by both.

_The things you say_

_Now you may think_

_I never hear them_

She heard him say it, the one word that broke her heart. Someone had said something to him about her and replied with a single word that she had heard so many times, with so many voices, and so many faces. He had said "Who?" …

…7…8…

But that's not all. She loved him, despite the things he said about her family. She loved him and her family. But he didn't think so kindly of the Potters and the Weasleys. She knew almost everything about everyone. You learn a lot when you spend your life listening, and never being listened to. She had never told James, Albus, Rose, or any other family member about what he had said… she'd keep it to herself. But after she heard what he said, she gripped her books in front of her chest and hurried on her way while dropping her head so no one saw her cry, as she ran to Myrtle's bathroom. Myrtle was the only one who understood.

**...9…**

_But word travels fast_

_I'm telling you to your face_

_I'm standing here behind your back_

She sat behind him in potions; maybe that was why she was doing so badly in that class? But it's not like it really mattered, she was doing bad in all of her classes. But she couldn't help it, he was perfect, she was jealous and longing to be with him. He captivated her, the way his platinum blonde hair would fall on his forehead (Which she had noticed annoyed him) and how he would spend minutes trying to blow it out of his face; the slight crease in-between his eyebrows that he got when he concentrated hard. But it's not like he had to, he was a genius. But she heard, from over hearing a conversation about him that was shared between James and Rose, that he had a girlfriend. Needless to say word traveled fast that the Perfect Genius Slytherin Quidditch Captain, got his first girlfriend. Even if he did notice she was alive, he would only bully her; she would never be good enough for him. Lily added three more scars to the collection that presided on her arm.

**...10…11…13…**

She'd always be adding them, because no one was there to stop her.

_And you don't know how it feels_

_To be your own best friend_

_On the outside looking in_

She only had herself to talk to, and the occasional wallow with Myrtle. She was her own best friend. She only had herself to confide in, she was the only person she could talk to about anything worth talking about. That was one reason why no one knows about her obsession with Scorpius, no one was there to notice. If anyone even so much as watched her for more than 5 minutes, or at least had a decent conversation with her, than they would be able to notice her obsession, but no one ever did.

**...14…**

There he goes again, chatting and having fun with his friends with that ever present smirk on his face. But of course all the fun they had was well within the bounds of normal Slytherin behavior. They were still on the quieter, broading side. _Oh god that smirk!_ She noticed. Some thought it made him look dangerous and mischievous, Lily though it made him look handsome. Oh how she wanted to be with them, and not always watching.

_If you could read my mind_

_See more of me_

_Than meets the eye_

_And you've been all wrong_

_Not who you think I am_

_You've never given me a chance_

He eventually found out some things about her, obviously. He must have been curious since he didn't know my name, and he usually knew everyone; being the popular child. He had said that apparently she was "ignorant" and a "whiney baby" as he had put it.

…**15…16…17…18…**

No matter what happened, she could not get him out of her head. She just heard him, over and over, saying what he had said in that snide tone of his. Every voice she had ever heard saying something not so nice rang through her head. …Stupid… cry baby… lonely…unwanted…idiot… moron… over and over, again.

…**19…20…**

_I'm tired of staying home_

_I'm bored and all alone_

_I'm sick of wasting my time_

She doesn't want to keep hurting. She doesn't want to keep cutting herself. But it's like an addiction, just like he is. She didn't want to stay home, waiting for someone to come along; she didn't want to waste her time. But she couldn't stop. No matter what happened, she couldn't stop. She just couldn't… She was stuck in her self-destructive habits. Confident and knowing that one day, unless someone stepped in and helped her, it would be the reason her heart stops beating. But just for today, she told herself, she'd let herself sneak a peek at him, efficiently adding another slash on her wrist.

**...21…**

…_Lily Luna Malfoy…_


End file.
